Finally out of the masses (near 2000 on the parikrama) and into the ashram. We are still getting settled in and learning the flow of our daily lives. As far as our standard schedule:
4am - Wake5am - Arati (this is the auspiscious invocation as we and Radha-Krsna rise. We offer prayers in the form of song, Bhajans)
5:30- 6:30 free time, best used for chanting on our japa/beads.
6:30 - 7:30 Bhajans (We sit together before our deities and sing beautiful prayers written by realized souls, with drum and cymbals, or better known here as mrdanga and kartalas)
7:30 - 8:30 hour class, Hari-Katha (talk of God), on various books/topics
8:30 Guru puja, (puja means worship) paying our respects to Gurudeva and our spiritual lineage
9 - 12 This time includes breakfast Prasadam (Krsna's mercy) and also our morning services, which can include helping in the kitchen, cleaning, publishing work, study.
12 - Noon Arati (in the same way monasteries gather throughout the day for prayer, we do five times a day, and two classes, which makes 7 times)
12:30 - Lunch Prasadam
1-4:30 - same as morning time, time for our services
4:30 - Bhajans
5:30 - 6:30 - Hari-Katha class
7:00 - Evening Arati
I felt it was very representive of the position we're actually in. The door of our hearts is closed, the door to God is closed, and it's no one's fault but our own. Here in the ahsram we are trying to be of some service what rests beyond the door, however poor our work may be, we are trying to do it with love.
This love, when it becomes clean and pure, can open the door of our hearts which is also the door to Radha-Krsna. Living in an ashram gives us the opportunity to cleasne our hearts in this way. It's like rubbing rough rocks together. It can be so difficult but we know that eventually we will be smooth and truly soft of heart. Only then will we have any right to know our true spiritual constitution.
Our spiritual pain is our most honest pain, and the only pain we're ever really experiencing.
Somehow, this separation, is supposed be sweet. We're always hearing about the sweetness of separation, and how it is actually superior to the meeting because in serparation we can be completely absorbed in the subject of our longing. This is Radha's position, in separation she thinks of Krsna always, she sees him everywhere, in the trees and sky and experiences the unimaginable prema (love) of her separation. Sometimes when Krsna is right before her, she is in such a high state of love that she can completely forget he is right before her. These emotions cannot be understood by our material minds. And although I know I cannot grasp it, I did feel some kind of sweetness on the other side of that door today and that's enough for the moment to keep me smiling.
7:30 - Dinner Prasadam
Already I've been able to engage in so many services. I've even been able to transcribe some of Gurudeva's morning walks. I am so excited about this and feel so much gratitiude to be able to help in any way. The days can be long and it can be hard to find time for everything I may want to do, but what I need, I'm getting. Which is a strong spiritual routine that doesn't allow me to forget why my heart has brought me here.
Today I was cleaning the outside of Thakurgi's (Radha-Krsna) alter door as it was closed. It was such a sweet feeling to be on the outside of the closed doors, polishing the door of that which I cannot truly see.
I felt it was very representive of the position we're actually in. The door of our hearts is closed, the door to God is closed, and it's no one's fault but our own. Here in the ahsram we are trying to be of some service what rests beyond the door, however poor our work may be, we are trying to do it with love.
This love, when it becomes clean and pure, can open the door of our hearts which is also the door to Radha-Krsna. Living in an ashram gives us the opportunity to cleasne our hearts in this way. It's like rubbing rough rocks together. It can be so difficult but we know that eventually we will be smooth and truly soft of heart. Only then will we have any right to know our true spiritual constitution.
Our spiritual pain is our most honest pain, and the only pain we're ever really experiencing.
Somehow, this separation, is supposed be sweet. We're always hearing about the sweetness of separation, and how it is actually superior to the meeting because in serparation we can be completely absorbed in the subject of our longing. This is Radha's position, in separation she thinks of Krsna always, she sees him everywhere, in the trees and sky and experiences the unimaginable prema (love) of her separation. Sometimes when Krsna is right before her, she is in such a high state of love that she can completely forget he is right before her. These emotions cannot be understood by our material minds. And although I know I cannot grasp it, I did feel some kind of sweetness on the other side of that door today and that's enough for the moment to keep me smiling.
1 comment:
All Glories To Srila Gurudeva & Gauranga !!
I think the example you cited about the doors being closed is extremely helpful to understand our fallen position. I have had similra experiences. We have started performing hari naam sankirtan & feast along with Srils Gurudev's hindi books every weekend. On 31st December after the end of Hari Naam kirtan & aarti me & my friend, who came from a near by city went to the room next to where we have dieties. I was sharing with him that our closest mate false ego is just like a wall between us & Krishna. Just like we are in an adjancent room now & can't see Krishna. In the same manner over lives afetr lives our false ego has kept us behind the wall in darkeness away from the resplendent sun shine. It's an inexplicable feeling to share how much happiness one gets when one starts serving Srila Gurudev. I think the personal realisations are hard to express so I pray to Srila Gururdev, Our whole Gurru varga, Sachinandan gaur hari & Radha-Krishna to bless you with the inspiration to live your life only in the service of our spirtual master.
Niati Gaur Hari Bol !!
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